My earliest memory of fall was the time I was a gypsy on Halloween. I recently created a collage of my favorite pictures of me from the age of three to seven and there I am with a long, colorful gypsy skirt, a peasant blouse, lots of beads, and make-up, of course. I smile every time I catch a glimpse of that excited child.

No wonder my sons were born in October! My second son is my Halloween baby, and I am not surprised that his favorite color has always been orange. I still remember his older brother dressed as a firefighter all ready to go and claim his candy. Even at a young age he still had Halloween candy at Easter! Not so true for my Halloween baby as he became a boy. The differences in their personalities intrigued me and probably laid the groundwork for my love of coaching parents of these little tykes. I think we can often trace what we love as adults to our early roots.

I wish you all the sensory feelings of fall - the coolness on your skin, the dazzling vision of the leaves changing colors, the smell of wood burning fires and the sounds of the birds as they fly south.

JULY & AUGUST MUSINGS - LISTENING TO YOURSELF

In my Phoenix office behind my chair is a poem that many of my clients comment upon. When I have a moment, I take the time to remember to 'hear myself' by reading the poem. I'd like to share it with all of you.

Listening
to your heart,
finding out who you are,
is not simple.
It takes time for
the chatter to quiet down.
In the silence of "not doing"
we begin to know
what we feel.
If we listen and hear
what is being offered,
then anything in life
can be our guide.
Listen.



JUNE MUSINGS - AN INSPIRED POEM

I just returned from a wonderful workshop in New Mexico with Joan Boryensko. The workshop title, Using the Healing Power of Your Mind, encourages us to objectively witness the mind in its incessant busyness and relentless control. This poem was inspired by the long walks in the maze-like web leading to the rooms - such a contrast to the sacred land surrounding the hotel. The vastness of Father Sky and the peacefulness of Mother Earth reflect the abundance available to us when we reach beyond the mind.

A Windowless Interior Corridor

The hotel is full
Complete with the utmost of amenities.
Facilities – spas to pamper the body,
Food to satisfy the pallet
And helpers, many helpers to show you the way.

The corridors are long and windowless.
Such a contrast to the vast amount of stimulation.
How similar to the mind.

The mind – full of ideas, inspirations, meddling voices,
Nonstop commentary and suggestions; so many suggestions.
Hhow the mind can clog and suffocate, dulling the senses.

And we become trapped in a windowless, interior corridor.



MAY MUSINGS - CELEBRATE YOURSELF

This is my birthday month and a time of reflection. I found myself back in an old habit, actually a yearly habit :), of wanting others to recognize my birthday. This year I suddenly realized that I actually wanted others to celebrate me. Upon some soul searching I discovered, or uncovered, the memory that I was not celebrated at my birth. What a revelation! All these years I have been looking to others to fill in that early loss. Each year I repeat the early wounding by not feeling satisfied by the attention I receive in the present. Now this sounds pretty bizarre, but the reality is that we cannot heal an old wound by replacing what we missed in the past with gifts from the present.

The alternative - it is finally time to celebrate myself, to feel my own self worth, my own specialness, and in the process, begin to heal. I did just that as I took a two hour, three + mile hike in my hometown red rock country and accomplished a personal goal.

Celebrating ourselves should not be a once a year experience. It's an ongoing process of nurturing ourselves, being kind to ourselves, recognizing our specialness, forgiving our weaknesses, and creating a sacred time for personal reflection. Many of us were taught that focusing on ourselves is selfish and egotistical. Instead we should be selfless and help others. And yet, to give to others, we must come from a place of abundance. And that means we must nurture and fill our own cups first.



APRIL MUSINGS - VICTORY OVER FEAR

I did it! I took my first hike solo! This morning I hiked in Red Rock country just a few miles from home. As I paused to catch my breath and take in the view, I felt inspired by my accomplishment and decided to begin a series of personal reflections to inspire you. Hiking has been a slippery slope emotionally for me. My fearfulness of slipping and falling is rooted in my right leg being cast and recast at the tender age of nine months - fear deeply embedded in my cellular memory. While hiking with my kids when they were young, I frequently froze and begged for a hand to hold while I prayed for my fear to pass. Hiking Camelback Mountain rendered me panicked with thighs shaking on the downhill descent. After a three year lapse, amnesia brought me back to Camelback Mountain with similar results. I decided to stop the torture and not hike.

Now I live amidst the red rocks and have walked and walked on the streets and have hiked with friends and gained confidence in my footing. My fear has receded - that is my fear of hiking. Today I faced another challenge and decided to hike alone. I found myself on a deserted trail without the comfort of others - and I kept going. The reward of seeing a 360 degree view of Castle Rock, Bell Rock, Courthouse Butte, and Cathedral Rock inspired me to share my success and encourage you to face your fears and feel the satisfaction of the personal challenge.



MARCH MUSINGS - THE FERTILE VOID

Change is a given. How we react to change is very personal and individual. Understanding our unique style as we respond to changes in our lives brings self acceptance and makes the transition easier to navigate. Understanding the cycle of change broadens our responses.

The process of life begins with gestation, then birth, the living of life, decay, and death. Our seasons reflect this process, and as we enter March it is seductive to be tired of winter and impatient for spring to come. And yet it is during winter, when we are empty, that creative ideas begin to emerge. Thus the 'fertile void' envelopes us. Remembering this allows us to relax and wait for the world to thaw and for the colorful and varied blossoms to peek through the snow filling our senses with the fragrance of the future. What was empty begins to fill.



FEBRUARY MUSINGS - OPPORTUNITY DISGUISED AS LOSS

Change is inevitable. We live in a world that is constantly changing. And yet we do everything in our power to maintain the status quo. When there is change, there is loss - and with loss we must experience painful emotions - anger, sadness, and grief over what was and is no longer. Anxiety takes over. Our once comfortable structure crumbles before the future becomes clear.

It seems to be human nature to hold on tightly to what we have even if it is no longer fulfilling. If we stop and listen to the quiet whisperings of our inner voice, we realize that our soul is requesting a change. And yet the fear of failing, of being abandoned, of letting go of the known paralyzes us. Waves are crashing down around us; it is difficult to breathe. And yet as we wipe the salty water from our eyes, new visions emerge. The seed of the new sprouts from the old.

A new opportunity rises out of the ashes of the old. We muster our faith, open our eyes, and move forward to a more fulfilling future.




Linda G. Bender, M.C., LPC, BCPC